January 2012
One hour left.
I’m not going to get all sappy or thoughtful or deep or anything. I’m just going to say this: You people are great. I’m glad I’ve met so many of you, and I hope to meet more of you. And then have your babies. Or maybe just make out a little. Or a lot.
Ok, I’m done now. Love you guys, and I hope you’re not too hung-over tomorrow.
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“I think a Bloody Mary is in order because I need the vitamins and the spiciness...”
– Me. Because I have a fucking cold.
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Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus!
HAMLET 2.
IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YOU NEED TO.
It’s got Steve Coogan AND Elisabeth Shue! And I want to make babies with both!
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Would it be a bad idea to put Alka-Seltzer Cold in...
I’m just, you know, asking for a friend.
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My goal for 2012?
Make some fucking plans for new year’s eve.
Happy new year from my living room!
December 2011
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guiltregret replied to your photo: Cassius approves.
Ikea Expedit shelving unit? I’m a pro at putting those together. Ha ha.
Bingo! I’m getting pretty good at it, too. I built one about 6 years ago for the record collection. Someday I will have a house without walls and just use Expedits.
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jewles replied to your photo: File under: things I totally forgot I had. I…
OMG. Do you remember where you got those? Was it like a million years ago? Because I pretty much want 1,000 pairs.
The tag says Victoria’s Secret, and it must have been a lifetime ago. Sorry, baby!! :-(
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“Since you have such low blood pressure, I want you on my team for the zombie...”
– Mr. Veg to me while watching “Dead Alive”
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She was thrilled!
She was so happy it was us, so I don’t feel bad at all about not giving her a part of childhood that most kids get.
Then she asked us if we were Santa. Damn smarty pants. We skirted the issue and didn’t really answer, but I’m she she knows and is happy about it.
She really is the smartest kid I’ve ever known. I love that munchkin.
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lindstifa replied to your post: Home.
Where the vodka is.
EXACTLY.
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The girl lost another tooth (her 2nd) while we...
She wanted to wait until we got home to leave it for the tooth fairy. Now she’s so attached to the thing she doesn’t want to give it up. She was with her first tooth, too, so we wrote the tooth fairy a note asking if we could keep the first tooth.
Since this is turning out to be a big deal and she’s so attached to those little teeth, we are telling her tonight that the tooth...
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Home.
Home.
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There was a guy at the WORLD'S LARGEST TRUCKSTOP...
I think we are going to be fast friends. I mean, I’m sending this from his trunk, so he must REALLY like me, right?
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Me: I smell poop.
Him: Me, too.
Me: Buddy, did you have an an accident in your pants?
Boy: No!
Me & Mr: Oh, it's just Cedar Rapids.
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I'm at my wittiest during long car rides.
Me: I know. I have an obsessive personality. I've accepted this.
Him: Yeah, you really do.
Me: Most nerds do.
Him: I don't think I'm that way. Has there ever been anything I've ever been that obsessed over?
Me: ...
Him: ...
Me: My butt.
Him: ...
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Overheard in a Perkins restroom
Little old lady 1: I would really like to see that movie, "The Dragon Girl".
Little old lady 2: You should read a review of it first. It's supposed to be kind of strange.
Little old lady 1: I think the title sounds funny.
Me: I'm just going to fashion a noose from this t.p., okay?*
Little old ladies: What?*
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I'm looking forward to the PVE.
Post Vacation Evacuation.
“Bands are always best after they experiment with drugs but before they become...”
– Me, Re: the new Stone Temple Pilots album
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I love my gramma but she's pretty old fashioned.
Gramma: My friend lives all by herself, just like me.
Daughter: She should just get married, then.
Gramma: Ha! Not everybody wants a man, kiddo.
Daughter: But a girl can marry a girl, too. That’s what my mommy and daddy told me.
Me: stiffled laughter
Gramma: Yeah, well, that’s not really something for everybody…
Daughter: I guess a girl marrying a boy...
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